I’m really, really, REALLY lucky. I have a family that loves me, I’m pretty good at words, and for some inexplicable reason hordes of you want to hear all the weird stories that keep happening to us. And I’m extremely lucky that I’ve made lots of good friends here, and met people who were willing to support me through what has, honestly, been a tough couple years for me.
The thing is, this is very much a journey of discovery for me too.
When I was 19, during my first semester away from home at college, I got sick. Very sick. I had a high fever, popping up to 103 at times, for at least two weeks. I was bedridden for close to a month. I lost 16 lbs at a time when I didn’t have 16lbs to lose. I was “officially” diagnosed with Mono by an over worked school clinic nurse who shooed me out of the office without even a physical exam. I don’t actually know what I had, but since then my memory has been. Terrible.
Most of my childhood is a blur. I completely forgot that branches of my family tree existed. I didn’t actually recognize my own mother at the airport when I flew home for christmas. I still have trouble recalling events from 2008 through about 2013. Both my long-tern recall and my short-term memory have been effected. I’ve been on and off medications, had my brain scanned, been to therapists and specialists and I’ve only seen minor improvements in the last decade.
Until This January.
On January 14th of 2018, I published The 1969 Easter Mass Incident, which turned out to be an amazing success. Not only in terms of notes and the tip jar, but in that the comments and my askbox were FULL of people telling me how much they enjoyed that story, how they read it to thier families, even people telling me it helped them through the death of a loved one.
And that was deeply moving, and so I decided I was going to actively start researching the old family stories. And in doing so, not only has my depression really improved, so has my memory. It also helped me stay close to my family while I was on the other side of the state, and support myself with your generous donations.
So here I am almost a year later, at almost 30,000 people who think I’m worth paying attention to, and with a wildly sucessful first month on Patreon, and I am actually For Real Publishing A Book, something I never thought I’d do.
More Importantly, I am able to remember more than I have in years, and no longer feel like I’m Not Real.
So Thank you, all of you who read or liked or reblogged or donated ot the tip jar or took the time to tell me that you enjoyed the story,
You guys gave me my life back, and for that I am eternally grateful.
One of my favorite shots in this whole piece is when Margaret walks up the steps and looks back. This is actually known as the 300 mile look because that window is in London and this shot is in Edinburgh 2 ½ weeks before. She was looking at a cross on top of a tower to get her eyeline right and he was looking out into a very very tiny courtyard in London. – North and South commentary.
I know we all love the train scene and the “look back at me” scene and john and margaret’s character growth and dozens of other memorable moments but this miniseries has so many wonderful asides I wanted to mention a few:
1. HANDS! HANDS! SO MANY HANDS! the best hands.
because honestly, if there’s one thing this period drama excels at it’s the PINING.
2. those shots of margaret and john sleeping at their desks
3. alll the letters that margaret and edith write to each other.
letter writing was an important aspect of female relationships (among women who could read and write) and I like that their letters are the narrator’s voice.
4. was it normal for men to travel with open collars in 1855? asking for a friend.
5. how margaret is allowed to be tired.
she’s busy, okay? she’s washing curtains and helping her mother and father and smuggling her brother into the country and attending parties and making friends with union members. girl deserves that nap.
6. thornton’s complete lack of chill whenever margaret shows up
margaret: your mother has kindly given me the name of a doctor. john: you’re ill?!
beeeeee cool soda pop. for the record, for a 19th century hard-nosed manufacturer this face is the equivalent of “GOD PLEASE GOD NO” from michael scott.
7. the soft implication of john keeping his mother and sister in comfort while he pursues education as an adult –
because of the hardship they went through when his father died 😦
8. nicholas “number one john/margaret shipper” higgins
thornton: was miss hale the woman who told you to come to me? you might have said. higgins: and you’d have been a bit more civil?
you cheeky bastard.
but let’s not forget “ohhhh yes, she has a brother, he was here, ah, just about that time the mother was dying, ah yes, very secret, hush hush, she had to smuggle him out, just thought you’d like to know for nooooo reason whatsoever” I mean come on nicholas, be more transparent 😀
obviously he’s not on board episodes 1-3 what with the whole union strike but boy by episode 4, higgins has two missions – feed boucher’s children and get his OTP together. and he gets both done.
9. on a related note – how all of john’s friends and family are just like “dude, come on. come on. be more obvious. we dare you.”
or, if you’re john’s mother oh god no not this again. “if you would let us alone, perhaps we might see her merits and like her.” damn lady. exactly how much does john talk about margaret hale???
10. this is a sad one but – margaret giving bessy some of her old handkerchiefs and bessy holding one in her dying clasp, my emotions
11. margaret’s absolute exhaustion at men proposing marriage to her.
“oh not this again.”
12. the grudging respect margaret and mrs. thornton develop for each other
“you once accused me of not knowing what kind of man I’d rejected. you were right. but if you think I’ve come to triumph over him, that I do not feel keenly the misfortune of this empty place, then you don’t know me at all.”
also check out how their dresses are almost identical in their last shot together. they’re finally on the same page.
13. the entire framing of john and margaret as hades and persephone, and how margaret chooses to go back north, away from the spring.
she goes from “I believe I’ve seen hell. and it’s white. it’s snow white.” to “I have a business proposition.” persephone chooses “hell” and I love it.
Spitfire Alice A Gra 
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