thecrackedamethyst:

I’ve been dreading this one, so I figured I might as well do it and get it over with.

This post will start out one way, and then go to something completely different, but I promise it will loop around in the end. 

Whenever I pull the Lovers–especially this one– I only ever think one thing: 

“Oh god I’m gay how could this happen are you sure you’re gay? Are you really sure? I think you should dwell on this and go over every detail of your life in your head just one more time”.

I know that everyone on tumblr is gay but god it’s still so nerve wracking to post about it.

I have a husband, two kids, and I didn’t know I was gay until my late 20′s. I didn’t even figure it out myself, I had to have it pointed out to me. How lame is that. I had figured I was bi (thanks Orange is the New Black) but fully gay? Nuh-uh. I was bi, and then somebody asked me, “Jessica, have you ever considered you might be a lesbian?” I scoffed. No way. Then on my drive home I thought about it and my head exploded. Literally. There’s probably still skull fragments and brain matter on the seat. I don’t have a head anymore, that’s why I can’t do videos only write up posts.

Anywho. It’s been a couple of years dwelling and questioning and whatnot, and I am now…95% sure I’m gay. Most of the time. Until I see Eric Northman but you know how it is.

Okay part 2.

The main question I get about the Body Language Tarot is “you say the deck is all women, are there any trans women in the deck?”. The answer to that is no, there is not.

“Well you piece of bigoted shit, wtf is wrong with you, how dare you, you only picked conventionally attractive cis women, you are a horrible piece of nazi garbage!!!”

Okay no ones actually said that to me but it’s been implied. So why didn’t I include trans women in this deck? Honestly? I didn’t think of it.

Noel Arthur made the Numinous Tarot because they wanted a fully inclusive deck, filled with the people who are don’t see themselves in most media. And that’s great! That was their purpose and they made what they wanted to see! That was their goal, their intent, and their purpose behind the deck.

I didn’t have that purpose. My purpose, was to make a deck where a person’s body language conveyed the emotional feeling of a particular tarot card, with tattoos supporting that feeling. It was fun.

When I went to the art gallery with a friend, we read the little signs and so much of that art has a purpose. They’re speaking up against whatever, this piece shows the pain of these particular people, on and on. That’s cool. I don’t wanna do that.

There are many issues I feel very strongly about, but that doesn’t mean I have to make my work about them.

I make my art for me. I drew what I wanted to draw, and that’s not a bad thing. I like women! So I drew women! Just because that’s what I like, doesn’t mean I hate everything else. I don’t hate men. Naked men freak me out, but I still like them, just not in any kind of sexual way (and not naked). I have a man that I love very much, I have friends who are men, I just didn’t want to draw them. That’s it!  I like pretty things, so I draw pretty things.

Maybe that’s a bit shallow, but you know what? I don’t care. I want to draw flowers and I want to draw snakes, and I want to draw naked women, because that’s what I like to look at.

I have someone boycotting me because I find conventionally attractive women attractive, and to that I say, well yeah. I like pretty women. I like women who are thin, fit, and probably blonde (those are not hard rules). That’s my type. That’s who I’m sexually attracted to. If Anna Torv were to come to me and say she wants to be with me but she hates tarot cards, I’d throw my decks in a dumpster fire and go live happily ever after. 

Tumblr can be so

about things you know? Like if you’re not doing what they think you should be doing then you’re wrong and deserve to be destroyed. But the hard part is, everyone sees things differently, and have different passions and drives and causes and I can not fully support all of them. Nobody can. Most people usually have one or two things that they lives their lives for, and they all think that those causes should be everybody’s causes, but it doesn’t work that way. 

I’m a firm believer in live and let live. If you want to do something, then find other people who want to do that thing, and go and be happy. You live for you, and you let other people live for them, that’s it. You like apple juice? Cool, drink apple juice. That doesn’t mean that everybody needs to drink apple juice, or that people should be forced to drink apple juice, it just means that you can, and no one should force you to do otherwise.

You want onions on your pizza? Okay cool I don’t lets order separate pizzas. You want to be hit during sex? That’s weird but whatever, go find someone who wants to hit people. You were born a woman but feel like a man? Cool bro, I won’t pursue you for my lesbian relationship.

If other people feel a certain why, why can’t they just be? Whenever I see those people who get all mad about homosexual marriages, or transgender bathrooms, I just wonder, why the fuck does it matter to you? Nobody is forcing you to have a homosexual marriage. Nobody is forcing you to use those bathrooms, we’re just letting people be themselves and be happy why is that so bad?! If you’re not a part of it, just let it be. 

I felt really trapped, a few years ago, but I didn’t know why. Then I found out I was gay, and it was terrible. I had a husband! And kids! And I felt so guilty about it, and stupid, and terrified, and so very, very free. I felt like taking my hair out of my bun letting it blow in the wind, I felt like putting on lipstick and going out into the world. It was horrible and it was amazing and despite how other people in my life feel about the issue,  I know it’s the truth. So yes. I drew of deck of lesbians, because that’s who I am and who I like. If you don’t like it, don’t buy the deck. I mean, I personally would like everybody to buy it, but you know. If you like it, buy it. If you don’t, then don’t.